Sex at the office: She looks good in black but do you look good in orange?
I digress. Back to the coffee station. So there you are, stirring your coffee, wiping the sleep from your eyes and… oh, who is this? You’ve never seen her before; she must be new. She looks at you with piercing blue eyes and a seductive smile, and whoops, you’ve spilt your coffee. Distracted much?
9 o’clock! You fumble into the meeting room. Steve is already setting up the first chart as you grab your seat. You plonk yourself into your chair and let out a long sigh as you accept your fate of mind-numbing boredom. But then you look up and there, in all her magnificence, she sits, with those piercing blue eyes and two other assets that are now grabbing your attention. All of a sudden two hours seems a bit short for this meeting.
In the seven years you’ve been in this company, you have never answered so many questions and made so many suggestions. Never before has there been such a sexy reason to pretend you know what you’re doing.
Having made what can only be described as an impressive first impression, you politely (why else right?) offer to show the new girl around and get her up to speed. And because you beat every other man to it, she gladly accepts.
So you take her on the tour which doesn’t last very long because, let’s be honest, you don’t really know much outside of the coffee station, but that’s okay because neither does she. So the tour comes to an end and although she has no reason to know what the inside of your office looks like, you feel it’s very important information for her. So you take her in. You show her the trophy you won for coming third in the spelling bee in grade 5, you show her your law degree, and let’s not forget the amazing view you have… of the parking lot.
Thankfully, it’s her first day on the job and although completely incorrect, she seems to think that you are someone important in the company so this is of course, all very interesting to her.
But she’s an attractive woman, she’s only going to fake this for so long. Time to make your move. You invite her to take a closer look at your solid oak desk and as she comes closer you press yourself against her, place your hand on her…. What?!
Let’s pause for a second, and consider where this could go.
- You continue to make your advances but she is not game. She right hands you across the face and storms out. The next morning, she slaps you again, this time with a lawyer’s letter…ouch! You’ve been charged with sexual harassment. So what now?
- Your advances are surprisingly successful and her panties hit the floor faster than your jaw when you first saw her. Ten minutes later… hmmm, let’s be realistic… five minutes later she walks out of your office with messy hair and a guilty look on her face. All is well until a month later when she calls in sick. “What’s wrong?” you ask. “I can’t stop throwing up. I think I’m pregnant!” So what now?
- You’re the lady in question and you’re not so keen on this guy or his actions. His view of the parking lot is not that impressive, and neither is the view down under. However, he’s mentioned that in exchange for regular close-up examinations of his solid oak desk he can organise you a raise. Tracey in Accounts says this is sexual harassment. So what now?
- You’re neither the lady in question nor the custodian of the solid oak desk. You are their employer which puts you in a very difficult situation. Why? Well, she has decided to lay a sexual harassment charges against him and she is now suing you as well, for allowing it to happen on company premises. Sucks to be you. So what now?
So whether you’re a hot babe with enticing assets, the guy who can’t keep his pants on or the person paying these people, you could easily get yourself into some serious financial trouble. I’m talking legal fees. Lawyers can charge anything from R1,000 to R5,000 per hour.
Fortunately, should you get yourself into a situation where you do need legal help, it doesn’t have to cost you the earth. Ever heard of legal insurance? Well, this could save your wallet. From R120 pm you will be covered for R120,000 worth of legal assistance per matter. PER MATTER!, not per year.
This legal insurance will cover you for matters of the following nature:
- Criminal: Murder, culpable homicide, rape, robbery, assault, blackmail, theft, housebreaking, fraud, breaking and entering.
- Civil: Motor vehicle accidents, insurance claims, money lent privately (not for business), road accident fund claims, neighbour disputes and contractual disputes with builders, plumbers, etc.
- Labour: Disciplinary hearings, unfair dismissals, labour court and CCMA representation.
There’s no annual limit to your legal cover. You can claim as many times as you need to as you’re covered per matter. There is even a retrenchment benefit included. You know, for when your boss finds out what you did and fires you.
So if you’re a human being, you will more than likely at some point in your life need some legal assistance.